Na-Geanna

iThe meaning of the title

"Long ago, a man left his homeland behind. The man drifted to a foreign land and was enamored by the spirits made there. He built his own distillery and lived the rest of his days there. The distillery hailed the man's accomplishments and made a spirit from the man's homeland. But, it was far too gorgeous...and was unlike any of the spirits from the man's homeland. Its flavor was both sweet and awfully melancholic..."

It becomes obvious that the description largely applies to me as well. Alone and depressed, i have almost nothing to live for in the present, just the memories of the past. Whether or not i am aware of any such, what is clear is that nearly the only way i am ever able to find solace and comfort is by driving. The "flavor both sweet and awfully melancholic", then, are the memories of the innocent and happy times that rush at me: times where I had known death once, but was for once convinced that i would not have to deal with it any more. Times when I had friends and people I cared for, and people who cared for me. Ultimately, just as for any mercenary, there is no real return to the past. The only thing there is, in due time, is death....